I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
