I can tuck mytits in my pants
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When did angry sex become our thing?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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