It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
