He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
