it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
