Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
