upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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