My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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