So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
