the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
