By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
