Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
