Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
