hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
