The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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