Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
