I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
