ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
