dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
