Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you will always have a special place in my vag
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
