you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize