she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
