I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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