we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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