Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
