he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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