maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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