Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
