and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
