I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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