Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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