It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
