Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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