so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
