Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
