I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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