I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
