I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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