Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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