So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
