proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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