Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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