I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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