Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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