I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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