Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
