i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i came on her dog
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
