If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
