She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
