i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
