I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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