So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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