Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
