Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
