Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
