Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
