Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
