i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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