its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
