I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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