I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
