he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
