my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
