my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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