your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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