the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
