Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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