Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
