she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
