remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I did not marry a roomba.
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