Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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