Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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