mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
