If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
