I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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