You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
