went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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